The Color of Grief
What color comes to mind when you think of grief? For me, it used to be black although lacking black attire in my childhood I wore dark green to my grandparents’ funerals. But when I was working on the piece “Mrs. Worthington’s Grief” shown above, black was not sufficient to convey the intense emotions she must have experienced following the death of her son. As I soon discovered, although black is widely accepted many cultures prefer white or purple for mourning. Just about every color shows up somewhere; for example, red is popular in South Africa.
Mourning Traditions Vary
Considering the universality of death, I find the diverse rituals with which we humans acknowledge it intriguing. In my experience, funerals are solemn affairs of soft murmurs with occasional muffled sniffs and swipes at tear-tracked cheeks. Crying is understandable—up to a point. I have attended funerals where the family is sequestered behind a screen ostensibly so they can weep with abandon while we rest of us are spared the embarrassment of watching.
Some Buddhist traditions discourage crying out of fear it will disturb the spirit of the departed. At the opposite end of the spectrum, the whole village joined in collective keening at Irish wakes until the church declared the practice unseemly in the 1950’s. At an African-American home going ceremony, sadness intermingles with a joyful celebration of life. In New Orleans mourners dance to the cemetery accompanied by a brassy jazz band.
Unexpressed Grief is Toxic
Whatever rituals are followed it is important to process the grief and associated emotions. In his book “Letting Go,” Dr. David Hawkins advises “Suppressed grief is responsible for many psychosomatic conditions and health-related complaints. Instead of suppressing the feeling, if it is allowed to come up and be relinquished, we can quickly jump from grief to acceptance.” Grief counselor Ann Allen has worked with clients who tried unsuccessfully to move on too quickly because friends or family felt that they had grieved long enough.
Celebrity therapist Dr. Laura Berman believes that the pain of unexpressed grief becomes stuck in our bodies. Because she didn’t take time to fully grieve following her mother’s death from breast cancer, Dr. Berman developed breast cancer in the same location a year later. My experience as a healer reaffirms the importance of releasing stuck emotions. Regardless of the dis-ease—joint deteriorations, cancer, obesity, or autoimmune disease—my clients were carrying bottled-up emotions long before the physical ailments appeared.
While grief is typically associated with death, all major life changes bring an element of mourning. Whether moving out on our own, starting a family, or changing jobs we abandon a piece of our past identity as we move forward into a new one.
The best techniques for releasing emotions are the ones that feel right for you. Keening like the Irish is immensely cleansing from an energy medicine perspective. Dr. Hawkins advises that grief will run its course in 20 minutes if we fully surrender to it. Although the emotions may return periodically, the episodes will dwindle over time. Dr. Berman found solace at a secluded cabin following the death of her son. My “Calm Moms” guide includes The Blowout technique, which is effective for quickly dispelling pent-up energy.
I would love to hear about your experiences processing grief. Drop me an email.
How to Talk About Grief
In her new book my friend and Certified Grief Specialist, Ann Allen, shares how to help yourself or a loved one process grief in her book "Talking Grief." Learn the #1 thing not to say to a person in mourning. Buy the book (not an affiliate link)
Calm Moms
My "Calm Moms" guide includes techniques like The Blowout that anyone can use to relieve pent-up emotions. Get your FREE copy.
If you could ask a health coach anything, what would it be? Drop me an email and let me know. Perhaps I will answer your question in a future blog. Thanks for reading.
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