Parents Under Pressure
On August 28, 2024 the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services released “Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents.” Child-rearing has never been easy. Concerns about the mental health of parents were on the rise before the escalating anxiety triggered by a worldwide pandemic and the ensuing social and financial fallout. Shockingly, the advisory indicates 41% of parents report that “most days they are so stressed they cannot function.” Consider for a moment the downstream impact that has on the children in their care.
As parents we can’t fix the rising cost of childcare, add more hours to the day or guarantee our child’s safety at school but we can refuse to embrace unrealistic societal illusions of what it means to be a good parent. As the reports notes, “Further, a modern practice of time-intensive parenting and contemporary expectations around childhood achievement may contribute further to the stressors faced by parents.”
41% of parents report that “most days they are so stressed they cannot function.”
I Was a Slacker Parent
My child-rearing days were filled with scouting, dance recitals, camping trips and educational family outings in addition to a full-time career. My son and I joined the local Audubon society for early morning birding walks while my daughter spent a summer on the swim team (we all agreed one was enough) and earned her Gold Award.
But I was a slacker parent compared to other moms. One of my daughter’s friends would roll into scouting meetings late, still wearing her soccer uniform splotched with mud, having just wolfed down dinner in the car. Even before the meeting ended, her mom whisked her home for a shower and three hours of advanced placement homework. When I offered to move the scouting meeting to another evening, I learned that every day was the same whirlwind of activities.
One evening at book club I sat between two moms lobbing comparisons back and forth in a spirited game of “she-with-the-most-accomplished-kid-wins.” My head swiveled from one side to the other like a spectator at Wimbledon. “Oh, how sweet your daughter starred in the school play. My daughter was accepted into the dramatic arts program at the magnet school,” bragged one mom. “That’s nice,” replied the other. “My daughter’s basketball team won first place at regionals last month.” And so it went.
A Modern Problem
Organized activities were not part of my childhood. My brother and I were expected to entertain ourselves. If I complained of boredom, my mom would tell me to clean the bathroom.
In recounting her childhood as the eldest of three girls in a family of eight children, my grandmother shared:
“One day when Dad came in for lunch and saw the three of us playing jack rock he said, “If your Ma doesn’t need you in the house, you will go with me to the field.” From that day on I worked in the fields with Dad and the boys. We picked up rocks, shocked wheat, racked and stacked hay, hoed corn, cut weeds and skunk cabbage. It seemed there was a big snake under each cabbage plant.”
The Surgeon General's report calls out the drive for childhood achievement as a major stressor for parents but what about the children with overbooked schedules? One of my daughter's teammates begged for a summer off but her mother insisted that swim team would look good on college applications.
I don't pretend to have answers nor am I proposing a return to child labor but I wonder whether a childhood packed with extra-curricular commitments leads to a frantic go-go-go routine when we grow up? To what extent does a regimen of adult-supervised activities stifle our imagination and problem-solving capability? When do we master the ability to bounce back from adversity if we are insulated from failure growing up?
“Further, a modern practice of time-intensive parenting and contemporary expectations around childhood achievement may contribute further to the stressors faced by parents.”
As an energy healer, I have worked with children as young as six years old overwhelmed by anxiety manifesting as intestinal pain, headaches, bedwetting and sleep disturbances. Somewhere between the athletic, scholastic and cultural activities, children—and parents—would benefit from practicing intentional anxiety management. Otherwise stressed-out children will inevitably grow up to be stressed-out adults anxiously raising the next generation.
Today’s children are the shapers of tomorrow’s society. Dr. Murthy points out that the welfare of children—and those caring for them—affects all Americans. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts.
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